Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Public Potty Talk

In the most recent edition of our school newspaper (yup I'm the editor, reporter and printer) I wrote an article discussing "professional appearance" on campus. This dealt with: dress code, personal hygiene, grooming and professional language. The idea was spawned not only from the lack of undergarments on students but the converstations overheard in the hallways very similar to this one found on Writermom's website **NOTE: if you have not read this - you should it's hilarious! (This means you "WB" when you have that girl you could very well have this conversation in your own home - so READ! That's an order!)

This is a true account of what happened to me while in the ladies room the other day at work. This was the MAIN reason I wrote the half page article.

I am sitting quietly in the ladies room, removing the 2 liters of water I have taken in during the day (OK - it wasn't 2 liters - more like 3 bottles and it wasn't ALL water - most of it was Diet Coke) but anyway....I am alone - well I WAS alone.

The door to the ladies room bursts open.

"I told you I have class today. I will be home to watch the kids before you have to leave for work"
(The stall door slams shut and the latch of the stall door slides into place)
"No Seriously! I will. I worked it out that way."
(The sound of pee running into the toilet at high velocity)
"He's doing WHAT? Well tell him to stop! He knows better"
"NO he can't have a cookie! Tell him to stop crying"
(Faucet runs for 10 seconds and then the hand dryer starts up)
"What? Hold on. I can't hear you."
(Door opens and girl exits - still blabbing away)

I am still sitting there. Shocked. Stunned really.

Writermom/Kelscraggly: I know what you are thinking. "In our long, late night converstations I KNOW you have taken our call into the throne room. Ah yes, but I have never taken you to a PUBLIC JOHN.

I am used to the chatter that happens in the ladies room. I went to college - I lived in a dorm. In fact, the girls down the hall would use the toilet, leave the stall doors open (with the mirror above the sink in front of them) look at each other in the mirrow and talk to each other....and every other girl that walked in the common bathroom to brush her teeth. (Yes it happened to me)

Difference you ask? Dorm. We kind of expected weird shit to go on the in the bathroom. We all knew each other on Harper 2. We RARELY let visitors use the bathroom. WHY? Because we all knew our floormates did odd things in the bathroom.

This chatty student not only shared HER bathroom noises - but MY bathroom noises with her friend on the other line. I felt voilated. Just a little less innocent.

I would like to say: "These kids today - they have no respect for others privacy." But I can't. My husband of 7 years (who is 3 years younger than I am) still "sits down" with the door closed and locked. (I like to think it's for his privacy and my safety) As for *** and ***- they have to remind themselves to close the door when they have company! (***Names removed to protect the guilty***)

Mom used to tell us that "Potty talk is not appropriate in public - espcially at the dinner table" Cordless phones weren't invented yet - so she didn't even think to include "Talking on the phone in a public potty is also inappropriate"

I'm thinking we'll cover that at my house!


Writer Mom said...

Bravo! Taking your convictions to the presses!

And people who know me give me a hard time for never answering the phone. Someone is always peeing in this house, or worse, or will be...

Excellent points! Especially about not teaching people cellphone ettiquette. We must compile a list and publish. My husand needs to read it. I'm so sick of his ****ing cellphone already. Last night I ate pizza at the dinner table with the children while he wandered around...oh, hell, I gotta blog it.
Just gotta blog it.
I hate cellphones.

Special nod and smile to Mr.Chep for protecting the innocent.

(gotta go potty now, and I'm not taking the computer into the bathroom with me.)

fineartist said...

Heeeeeeeeeee. Yep, odd world we live in.

I used to have a cell, kept it for a year. My son borrowed it one night, lost it, so I had it disconnected, then found it the next day.

I do NOT miss it. If I am not home the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone. Especially while trying to tend to business.

I have to concentrate when I use a public restroom. I can't imagine trying to hold myself over the toilet, while holding a cell and trying not to pee on the seat....nope I'm just not that talented.

xx, Lori

zilla said...

I've often wondered why so many hotels have phones installed on the bathroom wall. They kind of freak me out, even when they're not in use, which they never are by me, because the last person who touched it might not have washed his or her hands.

Which brings us to another point: until we can train the rest of the world not to use cell phones in the potty, I will not ever ask to borrow anyone's cell phone.

Not without dousing it in Lysol first, anyway.

Chep said...

Z: You make a strong point...and one that everyone should follow!

FA: I often leave my cell phone at home when out and about with Mr. Chep (sorry Mama Chep it's true) I don't like people interupting important business like picking out sweet corn!

WM: I found myself doing the same thing to Mr. Chep - walking around talking on the phone while he was watching TV. Yeah that stopped real quick!

Matt said...

haha! i loved this story... The funny thing about cell phones is that they are just things. People direct their ire towards the phones but it's the way people use them that's obnoxious! I have had a cell phone for about 5 years now and i've never ever had it on ring, my phone only vibrates, so the noises aren't intrusive. And you know what? i actually don't answer my phone most of the time. I'm usually *doing* something when people call. So i wait till i'm in an appropriate place, listen to messages and then call them back. Just like in the old days, take your calls at home or when you have time! Novel idea... but people just don't get it! My favorite are the people who talk on their phones at counters (store counters, restaurant counters, etc.) and they clerks actually let them GET AWAY with it! If i was working there, i would be like, please hang up and then i'll help you.